Aside from the fact that earlier this morning I got back from nice walk with Stephan and it was raining during our walk, I’m not sure the title has much to do with my post. Maybe it does, who cares, I just thought it sounded neat.
Things are going better the past few days. I feel a little more like myself, though some days I still feel like a teenager trying to discover my identity. I think some of that is the new mom thing. To a certain extent who I am has changed over the past two years with the pregnancy and arrival of my little boy. Is it strange that sometimes I still look at him and think, “whoa, where did you come from?” I carried him for nine months, gave birth to him, he’s been around for fourteen months and I’m still amazed that I’m his mom and he’s my kid. I have a kid!?!?! It still seems a little surreal at times. While I’ve seemingly forgotten what life was really like before he was born it still seems crazy that so much time has passed, that I’ve played a large role in keeping this little human alive and thriving. Ah, the miracle of life! God sure knew what he was doing didn’t he. And thank goodness for that!
My weekend was good. Minimal drama and errands, which is always a plus. Of course some of the reason for the lack of errands is our current lack of funds, but God always provides what we need. Believe me, we are trying to get it together, it just seems that whatever we try fails miserably. I still hold out hope that one of these months we’ll get our paychecks, pay all our bills and not be scrambling for food and gas (don’t even get me started on wanting to severely maim the gas exec guy laughing behind his desk all the way to the bank every time gas prices go up and stay up). This month was extra tough since we had to fix Andy’s car, but crap happens. We have enough food thanks to some generous donations from my MILs freezer. Enough about money drama, I’m trying to trust God with that and not worry and writing about it is kinda like worrying.
Back to feeling a little less like a mess … honestly I’m not really sure if I can put my finger on exactly what made things seem better but if I had to take a stab in the dark it’d be making an effort to spend more time cultivating my relationship with God. Might sound cheesy or lame to some people, but that’s what helps me keep my focus. Keep the first things first and everything else falls into place.